From slow to inert: not moving can be oh so sexy

Slow movers opt for a single sex

Slow-moving animals are unlikely to encounter many prospective mates and thus should be hermaphrodites to maximise their mating opportunities - if all else fails they can mate with themselves.

This might explain those stains on the Lazyboy.

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And then we have the most charming story via Architektur of a woman who married the Eiffel Tower.  Sounds like the title of a one of those short stories redolent of whim and quirk but no, it’s true.

The lucky groom.

Erika (surname: La Tour Eiffel) had married the Parisian landmark the previous year. Revisiting the girders where the ceremony took place, clutching her wedding veil, she gyrated against the structure. She could feel the cold of the Tower meeting the warmth of her body to produce an “equilibrium”. But if object-love really was like human love, then Erika was putting it about a bit, because she was also having a torrid time with the Golden Gate Bridge and the Berlin Wall, fragments of which she called “my boys”; the Eiffel Tower she called “she” – maybe she is a bisexual objectum sexual.

At the Golden Gate Bridge she agonised about the two of them ever being alone, what with the traffic and sight-seers. “Our love is no different than the love between two beings,” she claimed. Erika wanted to be an object, not human; her friend Amy was proud never to have been touched by another person (although she did hug Erika).

Amy was in love with the Twin Towers and the Empire State Building, whose flank she nuzzled and whispered sweet nothings to, until a security guard asked her to clear off. So she started loudly exclaiming her devotion – “Chaaaa-CHAAAAA!” – instead. Asperger’s and autism were mentioned as possible conditions underlying the women’s passions, but the only thing they shared was a history of abuse and abandonment. Erika had been discharged from the Armed Forces for refusing to stop sleeping with a ceremonial sword.

So, was she plaintively singing this song to the big boy in the early stages?

Just a couple of comments if I may:

1.  You know this is exactly what those people who were worried about where allowing gay marriage said we would end up.
2. I guess if he starts off as cold and unfeeling everybody knows where they stand. Well she always knows where he stands.
3. Better than ending up old and alone I guess.
and maybe you saw this one coming…
4. They’ll always (long long long    p      a     u      s    e) have Paris.